Castle Oblivion: Classified Files
by ShadowgoddessFFU
Summary: Behold the secret files hidden in the deepest filing door of Castle Oblivion! They reveal the lives of all the Organization XIII members!The secret, yet humorous lives of these members, can be your new source of entertainment!
1. The staff room

Dear Readers,

These classified files have been stored away in the deepest filing door in Castle Oblivion for they reflect the inner most secret lives of all the Organization XIII members and how they interacted. For the sanity of the public, these files were hidden away so that they could never see the light of day. Well, it seems like some asshole broke into my damn office where the files were and publicly displayed them. It leaves me very pissed off. I found the bastard, got him arrested, which his name was Mr. Ass clown, heh heh,

JK. I forgot his name, but I don't care. OH! Anyway, since people already viewed these files, I will release the official version of CASTLE OBLIVION: CLASSIFIED FILES!

Sincerely,

Ansem the Wise

File one

The staff room

(crash)

Vexen: NO! NO NO NO! I did it last week! It's your turn!

Marluxia: NO! BUT VEXIE! THE DRY-ERASE BOARD SAYS IT'S YOUR TURN!

(Fight breaks out. Flowers and ice fly everywhere)

Axel: You guys! Castle Oblivion has a reputation to hold and that's to have the shiniest floors! Since Marluxia had a bad quota this week, he'll have to wax and clean all the floors! Do it now!

Marluxia: YOU SUCK! (points to Vexen) AND YOU SUCK (points to Axel)

Next time I'll be sure to leave twice the amount of used condoms in the Makeout Closet than I did this week.

Axel: GET A DAMN ROOM WHEN YOU AND LARX DO IT! WE KEEP FILES IN THAT CLOSET! I have no idea who the hell labeled that shitty place the "Makeout Closet" , but really!

(Marluxia storms out. Axel grabs and pixie cup and gulps down some water.)

Vexen: Ah…Axel. Isn't water like poison to you?

Axel: SHIT! SOMEBODY GET MY FIRE SHOTS!

(Vexen runs into secret room. Fills a metal cup with lava and gives it to Axel)

Axel: Man…That was a close one…

Vexen: I'm on duty in a minute. Don't you drink water again…

Axel: Yeah, yeah, old man. I can take care of myself.

(Vexen leaves.)

Axel: Some time to myself…..

(Larxene burst in drunk)

Axel: Spoke too soon…

Larxene: Hey…Where's my Marxy honey bunny…hic

Axel: He's on floor washing duty.

Larxene: Awww. Axel bunny, will you play with me till Marxy gets back…hic

Axel: Sorry. Not interested in girls with no boobs.

Larxene: What? You little fucker….hic…You are asking for it….(passes out)

(Axel places her on couch)

Axel: Stupid twat…

(Larxene wakes up)

Larxene: YOU! Don't fucking call me a twat….You are a twat…heh! (passes out again)

(Axel leaves her. Walks around the castle.)

Zexion: Hey Axel! The toilet on the fifth floor bathroom is overflowing!

Axel: Fuck off….

Zexion: That's it! You're going on my bad list!

(Axel continues to walk. Hears Marluxia crying.)

Marluxia: MY HAIR! MY HAIR IS CAUGHT IN THE POLISHER! AHHHAAAAWAAHHHHHH!

(Axel passes him.)

Marluxia: Hey. HEY! DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!

Axel: Cut the damn act. We both know that your faking it so you can get off early!

Marluxia: FUCK! How'd you know? (continues to clean floor while whining.)

Axel: You are the worst actor in the world. THE WORLD!

Marluxia: My mother said that I could've made it to the big stage. THE BIG STAGE!

(cries while cleaning the floor.)

Axel: Go be emo somewhere else, pussy.

Marluxia: I hate you. I hate you! I HATE YOU!

(Axel leaves laughing. Goes up to next level to see secret door open.)

Axel: Shit…This must be Vexen's room…

(Axel creeps around corner to see Vexen at a computer. Vexen is in a chat room.)

Vexen: So…How old is this little kitten…hmmhmm.

Vexen: OH! A prime age of fourteen…very nice.

(Axel turns a sickly shade of blue.)

Vexen: Oh…you have a web cam…Will you let me see you?

(Web cam picture pops up)

Vexen: I want you…(licks screen.) So much! Ahhhhhh….

(Axel falls over. Making a large crash. Vexen stands up on chair in fright.)

Vexen: Axel…ah…Did you hear all of that?

Axel: (on floor.) Sadly, yes….

Vexen: Don't tell anyone…please.

Axel: Fine…As long as we don't get Dateline in here to bust you on TV.

Vexen: Deal!

(Axel runs out.)

Vexen: Back to what we were doing…

(Axel drinks from lave fountain.)

Axel: My GAWD! I knew Vexen was a pedophile.

Lexus: Who's a pedophile?

(Lexus towers over Axel. His lip quivers from the large shadow cast on him.)

Axel: Ah…Just like how that word rolls off the old tongue, ya know. Heh. GOTTA GO!

(runs and looks back.)

Axel: Looks like I lost him.

Lexus: No you didn't!

Axel: EEEEEKKKKKKKKKK! (falls on butt) How did you!

(Lexus points to feet.)

Lexus: Roller-skates! See ya! (rolls away.)

Axel: okay….

END, Till next time!


	2. Friday is FUNDAY!

File two

Friday is FUNDAY!

Lemons between Saix and Zexion. Sort of graphic!

Demyx: OMG! You guys! It's Friday! You know what that means?

Luxord: FUNDAY! I'll set up the poker table!

Demyx: I'll get the karaoke machine!

Marluxia: I'll get the beer!

Saix: I'LL GET THE PORN!

(Everyone looks at Saix with a sick look. Saix slowly backs out of the room)

Xigbar: Yeah. I'm going to shoot some rounds at the range. Don't get too wild.

Xaldin: I heard the boss was coming in tommorow for inventory.

Lexaeus: Shit man, hopefully Axel cleaned those used condoms from the closet.

Larxene: I want some beer!

Zexion: Marluxia went to pick up some on the first floor 7-eleven.

Saix: When did we ever have a 7-eleven?

Luxord: Hey Saix, when did you get here?

Saix: Just got back from the gummi port. The service was lousy though. I was afraid that the gummi ship would crash right then and there. That's what I get for flying Southwest. I'm going to watch with porn I bought. Anyone wanna watch?

Zexion: Count me in. (leaves with Saix)

(Demyx rolls eyes)

Demyx: I'm worried about those two…

Zexion: What kind is it? (walks side by side with Saix)

(Axel stands up on table and taps wine glass.)

Axel: Before we start, I have some points to put across. Point one: Last week the neighbors at the lot next to us filed a noise complaint with the police and we had to pay a 500-munny fine. The boss was pissed to high heavens. Keep the noise down. Point two: The boss is coming over tommorow for a check up on how things are running here. So, be on your best behavior. That means hiding all porn, cleaning up beer cans, no foul language, act like we all love each other, and most importantly to throw away all used condoms that are in the closet. Let Funday begin!

(Demyx and Xaldin sing away on the karaoke machine as Luxord, Axel, Marluxia, Larxene, Vexen, and Lexaeus play poker.)

Luxord: Ya know what? I'm tired of playing normal old poker. I think we should raise the stakes more.

Axel: Don't tell me…

Luxord: I think we should play strip poker.

Vexen: WHAT?

Axel: Come on old man, you don't look that old.

Luxord: So, it's decided. Looks like everyone here is tired of the same old same old.

(Mean while.)

Zexion: This porno is nice…(gets closer to T.V.)

Saix: Want some water lazed with acid?

Zexion: Whoa. How the hell did you get that?

Saix: There's some guys selling it by the 7-eleven.

(Saix and Zexion take hit.)

Zexion: Shit! By body's heating up so much! (takes off coat. Revealing Zexion's toned upper body.)

Saix: You have boxers with little Organization symbols on it! Cool! (his eyes meet with Zexion's)

Zexion: You have…beautiful eyes…(leans closer to Saix and kisses him.)

(Saix and Zexion are in an intense lip lock when Demyx enters.)

Demyx: Ah. I KNEW IT! I FUCKING KNEW IT! HA HA!

Saix: SHIT! Demyx…don't tell anyone.

Demyx: Fine. I don't care. Just finish what you were doing love birds.

(Demyx leaves.)

Zexion: Your lips…taste like that cherry soda we just drank.

Saix: (blushing.) Uh…Zexion do you like me?

Zexion: So what it I do? (bites Saix's ear.)

Saix: (Shivers.) Don't do that….

Zexion: Did you know that I never drank that water?

Saix: Really? So you taking off your coat was…

Zexion:…just an act.

Saix: I don't know if I'm ready…

Zexion: I can't stand it anymore, I must have your body. (pushes him down on the floor.)

Saix: How far are you going to go…

Zexion: (Smiles) As far as the moon and back.

(Zexion unzips Saix's coat, revealing his bear skin. Saix turned his head away with a blush on his face. Zexion pulled Saix's head up and touched his nose.)

Zexion: Your so cute when you're bashful.

Saix: I never had anyone touch me like this before.

Zexion: I like that…

(Zexion forcefully locked his lips onto Saix's. Saix's tense body relaxed as Zexion continued his lip lock. Saix raised his hand and grabbed Zexion's back and lowered it to his butt.)

Zexion: Whoa. I didn't know you had it in ya.

Saix: (Breathing hard) Me either…(smiles)

(Zexion kissed and bit Saix's neck. He moved his hand down Saix's chest till he reached the button on his pants. Saix grabbed his hand.)

Saix: I don't know if this is right…

Zexion: But you're begging for it. Listen to the needs off your body. Just let go…

Saix: The floor is hurting my back. Can we go to your bed?

Zexion: You read my thoughts exactly.

(Saix got on the bed. The TV made a dim light that flickered in the room. Zexion crawled up to Saix like a black panther ready to leap on its prey. Their faces shot together like magnets. They were having a fierce lip lock with hard breathing in between. Zexion unbuttoned Saix's pants and pulled down his boxer's.)

Zexion: Wow! You're really big Saix! (strokes his groin.)

Saix: (Quivering) Don't touch it…It's sensitive. (gulps)

Zexion: How cute. You're having trouble keeping a strait face. Do you need help "releasing"?

Saix: Yes…

Zexion: Your getting bigger every second…(rubs his erected flesh.)

Saix: Stop it…

Zexion: Don't hide your pleasure. I know you're enjoying this. (whispers into ear.)

You want more, right?

Saix: Yes…please… I want you to make me…release.

Zexion: As you wish…(strokes Saix's flesh.) Oh, just a little more, I can see it on your face! (rubs.) Will you do me next?

Saix: I'm going to! (groans.) Release…(quivers.)

Zexion: Your so cute right after the big O. Do you want to try it on me?

Saix: (still breathing hard.) I would love to.

Zexion: (Giggles.) I like how you said that.

(Saix strokes Zexion's groin.)

Zexion: Yes…that's it. Just like that. Oh! Right there!

(Zexion's groans could be heard all the way down the hallway.)

Axel: They really need to turn that porn down.

Demyx: That ain't porn. Shit, forget that last comment.

Larxene: You mean that Zexion and Saix are?

Demyx: I told you to forget about it!

Vexen: So it is true. I knew those guys were I little too close for comfort.

Larxene: Sounds like a lot of fun. Hey Marxy, can we have some fun later.

Marluxia: I'll think about it. (takes off boot.) Shit, I'm down to my boxers.

(Zexion lets out a large moan.)

Xigbar: I'm back from the range. WTF is going on down the hall?

Luxord: Saix and Zexion are have fun together if you know what I mean. (winks)

Xigbar: Ha! Those fruit flies finally got together! I see your playing strip poker. Speaking of strip, a new gentlemen's club opened on the first floor. Maybe after this round of poker the guys can head over and have some fun.

Axel: Sounds good to me.

Demyx: I would enjoy that a lot…

Xaldin: Hell yeah!

Vexen: How old are the girls?

Xigbar: Like 18.

Vexen: Good enough for me.

Marluixa: I'm going to hang here with my Larxene honey.

Larxene: Yay! We're going to play!

Xigbar: Ok guys! Lets file out!

(The guys leave. Marluxia and Larxene go to the closet.)

(Back to Saix and Zexion.)

Saix: I never knew how good it felt.

Zexion: (Lights a cig.) I think we should start a relationship.

Saix: I always liked you, ever since I saw you.

Zexion: Yeah, too.

(Zexion and Saix fell asleep together in an embrace.)

(Meanwhile the guys were enjoying themselves at the strip joint.)

END! Till net time!


End file.
